Emails between two people who clearly have too much time on their hands

There are two things I know for sure about my relationship with my little sister Colleen. First, we are both nerds, and when we are together, the nerdiness is intensified. We masquerade as normal, but underneath our cool exteriors are a couple of ren-fest dorks just dying to get out. Second, 95% of our conversations will devolve into a back and forth of who can say the cruelest thing to the other. Colleen currently maintains winner status because of the time she casually said, "Dad told me he wishes you would commit suicide." Bitch. Below is a recent string of emails between my sister and myself. This will probably only make sense if you're familiar with the characters from LOST.

To: Colleen
From: Emmie
Subject: Names

What if we named all our kids after LOST characters? But we have to do it sneakily so our husbands won't find out. Just combine any of these names:

Austen
Jack
Benjamin
Carlyle
Boone
Sawyer
James
Charlie/Charles
Pace
Aaron
Jacob
Christian
Hurley
Desmond
Daniel
Kate
Juliette
Charlotte
Claire
Penelope/Penny
Eloise
Alexandra

Like how about a boy named Austen James? or a girl named Sawyer Charlotte?


To: Emmie
From: Colleen
Subject: Re: Names

Genius!!! Who's Carlyle? Ok I want Hurley Eloise and MIB. Just kidding. I want James Pace and Penny Christian(na). See what I did there? Our husbands will never know!


To: Colleen
From: Emmie
Subject: Re: Names

Carlyle is Boone's last name duh, not to mention it's very similar to Carlisle Cullen! [note: see what I mean about the dork thing? I'm not ashamed.] I want Sayid Reyes. And you can't have Penny because I am already using Penny. I just put it on there as an example. You could also do like DriveShaft Farraday. Or Eko Kate.


To: Emmie
From: Colleen
Subject: Re: Names

Hahahahhahaha heck yesssss Driveshaft! I want Oceanic 4 8 15 16 23 42. It's a modern name, I'll be like a celebrity. For a nickname we'll call her 4 8 (that's pronounced four space eight)


To: Colleen
From: Emmie
Subject: Re: Names

Or what about Vincent! Vincent Bernard. And Charlotte Rose. Isabella Alpert. Or Waaaaaalt Michael.


To: Emmie
From: Colleen
Subject: Re: Names

How about Nikki Paolo? Sam is dating a guy named Niles and I asked if I can call him Miles, She said (sayid) she calls him Miles in her head.


To: Colleen
From: Emmie
Subject: Re: Names

I know a guy named Miles, but I made the mistake of asking him if I could call him Smiles and now he doesn't like me anymore. Your baby will probably be named Keamy Widmore and it will kill people.


To: Emmie
From: Colleen
Subject: Re: Names

Oh yeah well your baby will be named Sun Juliette and she'll be the biggest bitch and everyone will hate her. My baby will be Jackate and everyone will love her. Your baby will be named Mothernature Momfromjuno and she'll shave her legs with string and your grandchildren will hate her so bad that they'll kill her. My baby will be named Ricardo and he'll ride horses.


To: Colleen
From: Emmie
Subject: Re: Names

Your point of reference for Allison Janney is that she was the mom in Juno? In that case, your baby's name will be Jacob's Ugly Mole and your other baby will be named Locke's Eye Scar and they will both be evil.


To: Emmie
From: Colleen
Subject: Re: Names

Hahahahahhaha crap!!! Jacob's Ugly Mole is a good one. I like Locke's Eye Scar -- he looks like Scar from the Lion King. Then your baby's name will be Rousseau's Jowls and she'll go into a coma and only speak with a French accent. Your other child will be named Hurley's Sideburns, and he'll be the king of everything. No, wait, that's my kid. Your kid is named Ana Lucia.


To: Colleen
From: Emmie
Subject: Re: Names

All my babies will be named Hurley's Curly Lockes (see what I did there?) and they will beat up your babies, and pour ranch dressing on them.


To: Emmie
From: Colleen
Subject: Re: Names

Will they be obese and get sent to mental institutions? OOOOOOOOH BURRRRN.


To: Colleen
From: Emmie
Subject: Re: Names

I hate you.