"It's a Jump to Conclusions Mat!"*

About a year ago, I got a message on Facebook from someone named Saul.

Subject: say did you ever live in alexandria va?

this might be a bit weird but i think i use to write back N forth with ya. i was diggin through some old ass papers i had and found some old ass letters which were from a emmie [my last name]. i dont remember who that is. anyhow thought it might be you. [my address growing up]?

His profile was private, so I could only see his name, his photo, and that he lived in LA. He looked to be about 40. With this limited information, I determined immediately that this must be the young soldier that I wrote letters to during the first Gulf War, for a fifth grade project. I sent him a care package filled with Girl Scout Cookies, and then never heard from him again. Naturally I assumed he had been killed in combat -- why else would he not write me a thank you note for the Thin Mints? But all was forgiven. After twenty years, Saul had finally gotten back in touch with me!

Excitedly, I responded:

Yeah, that was definitely me. Crazy! Were you in Kuwait or Saudi Arabia maybe? If I'm remembering correctly, my fifth grade class wrote letters to service members during the first gulf war, and I think you were my pen pal. You sent me some foreign money (really can't remember where you were stationed right now) and drew me a picture of the desert. That's so weird, I think I might still have that letter. How are you?

A week went by and I didn't hear back from him. It was just like fifth grade all over again. I poured my heart and soul into a Facebook message and received nothing in return. The only difference is that there were no cookies involved this time. I was devastated, of course, but I decided that maybe Saul and I just weren't meant to be friends. Asshole.

Then about a month later, out of the blue, it hit me: my soldier friend's name was not Saul -- it was Ken. Shit. Not only had I sent a completely ridiculous message to a total stranger (and possible stalker, I might add), but my true soldier friend was still MIA, so to speak.

I racked my brain thinking of who this Saul character could possibly be. The only other pen pal I remembered having was a guy named Sergei from Russia, and this was clearly not Sergei. I vaguely remembered a short correspondence with a guy from a record label, so I wrote Saul again (it had been over a month since his initial contact, btw):

OK, I'm an idiot. I had a flash this morning - my pen pal's name was Ken, not Saul. So, my bad. I can't remember who you are though. When were the letters from? Did you ever maybe work for a record label?  

Needless to say, Saul never wrote back. And I still have no idea who he is. But the good news is that I found Ken's original letter -- why I still have a letter from 1991 is another story. What a sweetheart he was to write back to a ten-year-old girl. I can only hope that the reason he never thanked me for the Girl Scout Cookies is that he was busy doing other things, such as writing letters to his real friends and family, or you know, defending Kuwait from invading Iraqi forces, etc.

Below is his letter, along with the Saudi currency he sent me. (Click to enlarge.) I hope Ken is out there somewhere, living the good life with his wife, two kids, and a golden retriever. And if you're reading this Ken, you should probably thank me for the damn cookies.
xoxo, Emmie.  

  
*If you didn't catch the title reference, it's from one of my favorite scenes in Office Space: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wT9PQGygZwA