Worst Dance Party Ever

A couple days ago, I received an e-mail with the following subject line: (females only) Outdoor Tribal Drumming Dance Party

Um. The sender appeared to be a day spa in the area that I've never heard of (and certainly never supplied with my e-mail address). As I opened the message, panic set it.

"Females Young and Old, please come and dance barefoot to the moving magical sound of our live tribal drummers."

This sounded like some serious hippie shit. Was there a secret registry somewhere that I didn't know about? Did someone find out that I married a man who has gone on Phish tour? Was I captured on camera at a Phish show?? (totally a story for another post...)

Maybe this is how hippies recruit. It starts with an innocent e-mail, and before you know it, you're getting unsolicited patchwork skirts in the mail. And the worst part is that I actually thought about going. But! That's only because there was the promise of free ice cream in addition to the dancing. Heck, I've gone scarier places for free ice cream.

It was this line, however, that brought me to my senses: "Remember this is outdoors, so be prepared to get very Virginia-in-July sticky, but finally in a good way!" Bitch please. There is no "good way" to get "Virginia-in-July sticky." Besides, the ice cream is going to melt!

So the down side is that I won't be witnessing what could possibly be the most awkward gathering of sweaty, dancing women ever. But the upside is that I figured out how the spa got my e-mail address, and it does not involve a conspiracy theory. Not to mention, there's Half Baked in the freezer, and our house is air-conditioned. That is totally worth dancing for, but I'm going to play it safe and avoid the tribal drumming.